Healing the Hollow
Time to talk about what so many of us try to avoid: the hollow places.
The empty places. In my case, I’m talking about the inner me, the uncomfortable, cavernous pit of me.
Oh how I’ve tried to fill that bottomless abyss. Always on the outside looking in. As a child, I covered it up with school and countless responsibilities and hours upon hours with the stories in my head. My self worth was wrapped up in perfect grades and church activity and ballet classes, so I didn’t have room for anything else. It didn’t matter that I was an outsider then… I didn’t have time to be part of an in-crowd anyway.
As an adult I seem to constantly swing between feeling too much or nothing at all. I have filled the void over the years with lots of “too much.” Too much time hiding behind tightly closed blinds and curtains, afraid passersby would somehow see my messy house and know what I failure I was. Too much time buried in games on the internet escaping my reality. Too much time asleep, an even better escape. Too much food, because I feel fulfilled when I eat. Too much…waaay too much… compulsively impulse buying because the excitement of a new thing feels nice for a while. And it was a good deal, right?
The truth is I am terribly envious of that in-crowd. They seem to have so much fun and I will never, ever be cool enough or entertaining enough or light-hearted enough to fit in. But that hasn’t stopped me from trying, even now at age thirty five. I spent so much… Money, time, energy, so that for once… For ONCE I could be that person. The one everyone likes, the one who knows all the inside jokes. But I’ll never be one of them. I’ll never truly belong. What a fool I have been. A witch isn’t meant to fit in, even among other witches.
Isn't it time, Witches?
Last autumn, once again, I found myself staring into that void inside. And I heard my goddess, Hekate, gently asking, “Isn’t it time that you finally stop trying to cover it up? Isn’t it time to finally move in and fill it with things that you love, like paintings in a favorite room? Isn’t it time you built your happiness and self worth on what you keep inside instead of other things, other places, other people?”
Yes, I think. It is.
So, Witches, how do we go about doing that? How do we go about unpacking those secret selves that we keep in a dark corner for fear of rejection? How do we embrace our weird?
I believe that this kind of compassionate care has to begin with us. I believe it begins with recognizing our negative, hateful ways we talk to ourselves. It begins with giving ourselves permission to feel pride in what lights us up, sparks our souls, gives us joy. It begins with knowing we are meant to stand out, not blend in with the wallpaper.
You, yes YOU, are an incredible moving, breathing, feeling, thinking, piece of Nature. Why on earth do you keep punishing yourself? Why would you speak so cruelly to someone so amazing? In many cases we wouldn’t speak to our worst enemies the way we speak to ourselves. Be gentle with yourself. Celebrate your successes. Forgive yourself when you make a mistake. Learn from it. Give yourself permission to try again.
It means tearing the wall down, brick by brick. It means your hands will bleed, your heart will hurt, your soul will ache. There will be times you think it’s not worth it. You’ll want to give up. But when you’re finally done, that wall is gone. The world is yours.
It’s time to fling open those curtains and let in the sun. It’s time to paint the walls of our hearts in all our favorite colors and fill it with all our treasures. It’s time to heal the hollow.
Tarot Spread: Self-Doubt Transmutation
This layout is intended to give insight to the ways you are doubting and blocking yourself from your own love and acceptance.
Card 1: What is my current subconscious view of myself?
Card 2: What shadow aspect is dominating my self understanding?
Card 3: What wall do I need to tear down to reach self-love?
Card 4: How do I continue to nurture that self-love once I have reached it?
I hope this offers some valuable insight to your relationship with yourself. Desert blessings to you!