Self-Worth and the Magick in Receiving
Welcome to the time of year when everyone asks you what you want for Christmas (or Yule, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and all of the other holidays centered around the second half of December). Since reaching adulthood, my answer has always been “nothing” until I am forced to choose things that I need, which is rarely what I want, and always tinged with guilt. It’s only recently, since deep diving head-on into shadow work and my astrological chart, that I’m starting to understand why. You see, I have little self-worth and feel that I am not worthy to receive gifts.
Feelings of self-worth, or rather the lack thereof, have followed me around for always. I could say it was the way I was brought up, or a result of messages that I received as a child, or even the teenage dramatics of high school. But no. I know that feeling has always been there, and in my 48 years I have turned my lack of self-worth into a strength. I take risks, I talk to strangers, I push myself beyond my comfort zone, and I no longer fear criticism. The big secret as to why this has been true: no one is going to hate me as much as I hate myself.
At this point, you’re probably wondering what this has to do with magic, witchcraft, and receiving gifts during the holidays. Well the answer is SO MANY THINGS.
The Gifts of Chiron: Self-Worth
My deep dives into feelings of having no self-worth included delving into my astrological chart and found out what has been aiding in my shackling. Mainly, its Chiron. In Greek mythology, Chiron was a Centaur, and the son of Cronus. Accidentally pierced by the poisoned arrow shot by Heracles, he renounced his immortality in favor of giving it to Prometheus and as a result was placed among the stars as the constellation Centaurus.
In astrology, Chiron is an asteroid that travels between Saturn and Uranus. Where Chiron shows up in your natal chart calls attention to the area of your life that has always felt difficult, sticky, vulnerable and hard. The part of your shadow self that feels like a lifelong drag, a deep spiritual wound that continues to bleed, and a nut that you just can’t crack. To an astrologist reading this missive, it will be of no surprise to you that my Chiron is in Aries in the First House. What this means to lay people such as myself, and probably you, is that my deep spiritual wound and that nut I need to eventually crack open in order to heal myself and help others is self-worth.
Shadow Work for Self-Worth
Throughout the past year (thanks Covid), instead of embracing and accepting my lack of self-worth, I have embraced my inner self and decided to take her to therapy (haha). I have been using shadow work, journaling, interior design, altar building, spellwork, ancestral work, and tarot to rebuild my self worth. During this time, I have been working steadfastly on my wounds (false beliefs, isolation, comparing & despairing, being everything to everyone). Also, I have been humbly embracing my gifts (fearless individuality, creative expression, and independence). And finally, I have been working on not just saying the words but believing my affirmations. I deserve to be here and I am here for a reason.
Learning to Receive
Part of this work has included parsing my feelings about receiving gifts. I’ve always been a giver, but I’ve been awful about receiving. Last month I got an unexpected a birthday present in the mail. An online friend, a man that I have shared a Facebook group with for 6 years, sent some items he selected for me that he thought I would enjoy. Included were art posters, a guest book he randomly found, and the book “Visionary Women” by Andrea Barnet. In the note that accompanied all of this he said, “The Book – I had to order a used copy for you because it’s out of print. When I read it years ago, I thought of you, especially for the second account of the unlikely community organizer.”
When I thanked him for such a touching gift he went on to say, “I don’t say how often enough how grateful I am that you took over without ever having to be asked and as a result, you are single-handedly responsible for the long-term health and prosperity of my most important extended support network”. I am not ashamed to admit that I cried like a baby receiving the gifts and note and having the subsequent conversation. Do you ever just do things, to keep something going and do whatever it takes to help others? I do that a lot! Do you ever stop and think about the impact these actions have on others? I do not always do that. Because of my low self-worth, I never knew that my friend felt that way about me, or that anyone could feel that way about me.
Send Gifts My Way!
I decided then and there that I would start receiving. I would accept gifts, good news, nice notes, and knowledge that I am here for a reason. As it turned out, Nikki sent me seeds and other lovely things needed for my witches apothecary a few days later. Willow Rose sent me some things the other day. Instead of waiting with dread on how on earth I will return the favor, I am waiting to see what she has given me. I am actually looking forward to receiving the good things that she has sent to me. The gifts let me that she loves and cares about me.
Next Steps to Self-Worth
Before I leave, I want to give you some next steps. Maybe my journey can help you, and really that’s why I am here: to transmute my wounds and pain in to something wonderful to help others.
- If you haven’t already, pick up the book “Claim Your Power” by Mastin Kipp. It will change your life in 40 days. It surely changed mine. If he’s not your style, research some articles on Shadow Work and get to know yourself wholly and completely.
- Get your astrological chart read by a professional. We have some wonderful astrologers in our network that can interpret your chart and help you understand the information and how you fit within the planets, stars and asteroids.
- Find out where Chiron resides in your chart. Reach out for resources or look online to dig further. Like the other information about your natal chart, you can find the meaning of your Chiron placement and aspects online.
- Embrace the sticky, wounded, hard, difficult parts of yourself. And then take them to therapy! I used a lot of magical and practical work in my healing, but I was never afraid to call my therapist when things got too deep and heavy.
Learn to Receive. Learn Self-Worth
Receiving is not a weakness. I have always viewed people as being Givers and Takers. This is because I have always been a Giver. And for most of my life I have watched the Takers take everything until I had nothing left. I’m realizing two things now. First, I need to Give to Myself first. Second, I need to be open to receive, because that is the Universal Abundance coming my way. Those are the answers to MY prayers and spells. When someone offers a gift, whether it is a material gift, or even just washing my dishes because I’m too tired to do it myself, that is the product of my spell work. My prayers, my candle burning, and the rituals that I have done made that happen!
If I block it by feeling guilty or unworthy, is the Universe going to send it my way again? Receiving gifts and enjoying those gifts is what opens up the flood gates of abundance and prosperity. It makes me wonder how many good things I have denied myself because of the shackles of unworthiness. It is an affront to all those that I pray to that I have spent so many years not receiving. So please, receive all the good that you are given.
Go be great! Go be thankful and grateful and feel praiseworthy and applaudable in your life. Receive every gift that you are given because you are special and here for a reason. I hope you all enjoy whatever holiday you celebrate this time of year. And I hope the presents you receive are everything you want, and that you receive your heart’s desires. Until next time!